Jane Austen, again?

I see it in your face at the bookstore. Or when you’re seeking something to read online. You’re looking at my book, Mansfield 2nd Ward, an LDS retelling of Jane Austen's Persuasion. You make the same face I do when I see Hallmark's "Pride & __Fill_in_the_Blank__" title.

Jane Austen, again? Really?

Yes. Really.

But why?

The Regency era of England shares similarities with LDS culture. You line them up and they look pretty darn similar. Not saying us Mormons run around in frock coats and cravats and stuff. But we have cultural expectations regarding marriage and church attendance. It leads to small group cultures that arise from the organization of regional wards (a congregation) and stakes (a parish).

Is that a bad thing? I think it depends on what expectations we’re talking about. Some are pretty funny in how similar they are. Some of them, well, they’re pretty sad.

What We Do for Love

Mr. Crawford and Fanny. Captain Wentworth and Anne. Mr. Ferrars and Elinor and Colonel Brandon and Marianne. Classic couples from Jane Austen’s collection of amazing stories whose struggles to be together still speak to us even after 175 years. And the biggest common denominator among them are the concepts of love and marriage.

Back in Jane’s time, love and marriage were a pretty big deal no matter what your social status. And several of her stories touched on the pitfalls and the possibilities love and marriage in her time could bring. Whether they were marrying above or below your station or whether you got married at all was pretty important for most of Austen’s readers.

In a religion that values family and connection, marriage in the LDS church is a pretty big deal too. Single people know this best. Ask them. They’ll tell you. All about it. No matter if it’s because of a missed chance, the death of a loved one, or no one picked you out of the starting lineup, Jane Austen speaks to the single person in all of us. Let’s explore what that could mean for the girl who’d “been a very pretty girl, but her bloom had vanished early” as Anne Elliot’s did. Or the divorced, single or widowed sister in the ward feeling a little like Fanny Price, who, as the outsider, was constantly reminded “they cannot be equals. Their rank, fortune, rights, and expectations will always be different.“

I’m not suggesting that the other ward members think themselves above these blessed sisters. I’m suggesting that we see them in an environment where certain members in the ward are a little rounder than the square hole pegged for family units. Seeing the amusing side of being different, but also the realities, too.

Mr. Crawford, Edmund Bertram and Fanny Price

The love triangle is not my favorite romance trope (so, of course, my first book, Mansfield 2nd Ward, is one). But I’m not averse to using it as a tried-and-true mechanic of a delightful love story. Two men in love with you - who wouldn't love that? Choices, choices. Fanny's dilemma is far more complex. It’s one that LDS girls all over the world are dealing with themselves — bad boy or boy of the world vs. good boy or church-going boy.

This is a simplistic view of the problem. There’s more nuance than leather jacket wearing street thug vs. oxford-and-tie-wearing, scripture-toting Peter Priesthood. Some boys outside the church are really great guys. But many of our divorced sisters know too well some brethren inside the church talk the talk pretty well, but don’t walk the walk behind closed doors.

What it shows us is we need to be mindful of our choice no matter who they are. Fanny struggles a little between her love for Edmund and her rampant denial of her attraction to Mr. Crawford. In the end, Fanny comprehends Edmund's worth. She had Mr. Crawford and his actions to compare Edmund to. To find the Prince, we must kiss a few frogs.

Captain Wentworth and Anne

Oh, boy, can soooo many of our dear sisters relate to this one. The age old church culture question of “Am I too old date?” Young women aged 21 or 22 are asking this. It's a question my character, Paige, from Always Faithful had already come to terms with. But seriously? I mean, getting married, sealed to our chosen companion and raising a family should be pretty high on the priority list for life. It’s a representation here on Earth of the order of things in Heaven.

There is a strong expectation for young church members to take care of it quickly. Young men get home from their missions and the elder folk are already elbowing them in the ribs to move to the next step in their life progression. And we sell girls on an idea created by certain aspects of church culture that marriage, even temple marriage, is the happily ever after they’re looking for. So these well-meaning young folks rush to the altar.

Church culture looks critically at those who are single, or the leftovers. Why haven’t they found anyone? If you were attractive, kind, and spiritual enough, you would have found someone! People of Anne’s acquaintance speculated that her face had lost its early bloom and now no one would want her, and she had agreed with them.

Austen’s moral of the story is clear in Persuasion—one should think for themselves who constitutes a suitable spouse and decide without external influence.

I’ve looked at it from a slightly different perspective and one that can apply to nowadays. I’ve always been of the opinion that Anne did pretty well for herself, despite her disappointment and circumstances. She carved a life out for herself. Anne had no guarantee she’d run into Captain Wentworth ever again. She could do nothing about her age or her looks. She put her efforts into tasks and excelled, which made her well-loved.

We should encourage our young people to value carving out a worthy and valuable life for themselves. I shouldn’t matter if they don’t find a spouse right away. They shouldn’t spend most of their time and energy looking for a spouse. Our worth within the church shouldn’t be determined by our marital status. Each of us has a different life path to take, personally overseen by a loving Heavenly Father, and He knows our value better than anyone. If He intends for a spouse to show up, then He’ll arrange it so they come. No sign of a white knight? We have other priorities.

Mr. Ferrars & Elinor, Colonel Brandon & Marianne

I saved the biggest for the last because it's massive. There’s so much sub-context that has implications for every aspect of church culture. Sense and Sensibility mainly comment on the perceived merit of a person because of their economic status or level in society. Some elements in our culture value people based on educational prospects, political affiliation, or activity status. Some people may not fit in at church because they don’t represent an understood norm, like body type, size, race, sexual orientation, disability, or even body art. Church culture has caused people to lose sight of the gospel's message of inclusivity. It was a major theme of my book, Date-Ability, especially in context to an LDS singles ward.

What relevance does this have to Sense and Sensibility? Think about it. Why were Marianne and Elinor deemed unsuitable brides? Money. Edward and Elinor cared deeply for each other. Edward’s mother couldn’t have cared less. Mr. Willoughby ditched Marianne for the rich girl faster than a hot potato because, though Marianne was beautiful, she was poor. Luckily for Edward, things worked out. Lucky for Marianne, things didn’t. (I guess that’s up for debate. Marrying a guy nearly double your age at sixteen/seventeen isn’t what I’d call a happy ending, but it was a different time period. Whatevs.) Both women had a value outside of what society saw.

Making choices based on expectations can cause unhappiness.. Edward endured the consequences for a while. Mr. Willoughby almost certainly suffered them until death. We all know we have agency given by God to everyone, but sometimes the pressure we feel from people we love makes it feel like we have no choice. There is a special light that shines when a couple is equally yoked and in love for the right reasons. But I’ve also been witness to the consequences of people so desperate to belong, they married anyone who happened along because they checked off certain criteria.

Shouldn’t the value of belonging just mean that we’re part of the church family and the community at a large? Do members have to have a marriage card, or mom card or active member card to enjoy the benefits of being part of Christ’s gospel?

One of my favorite bloggers is Al Carraway, who sometimes goes by the moniker The Tattooed Mormon. She is funny, sweet, and I dare you to read her testimony of the church and not tear up. She truly strives to live the gospel the best she can–and she has elbow length sleeve tattoos.

Al tells the story that is unfortunately not an exception within some wards. A member of her ward unashamedly said she was going to hell for her tattoos. Had they taken a few minutes to know Al, they would have known she was a new convert. Her tattoos were done in her younger years. Instead, judgement and vitriol were thrown in a new convert’s face.

Some new converts aren’t as strong as Al. Some lifelong members aren’t as strong as she is. She walked away from the experience, applying it as a learning moment rather than taking offense. What of the one whose faith is growing? Are we going to pour salt water all over it because they have gages in their ears? Or because they came to church in jeans? Or because they smell like cigarette smoke? Or because they’re Native American or Middle Eastern or Eastern Asian or Aboriginal? Or they have autism or Tourette’s that cause them to have outbursts they can’t control?

Colonel Brandon and Edward Ferrars ignored society's expectations and loved their brides. Not for what either sister could offer, but for who they were. Heavenly Father sees the person on the inside, no matter the disability, addiction, tattoos, piercings, race, or clothing. He roots for His child to make choices that enrich their lives and live with dignity. And as He has constantly directed us, He expects us to follow his example.

What We Should Do for Love

Jane Austen is as relevant today as much for her witty dialogue and timeless love stories as for her social commentary. Times have definitely changed since she was alive. The caste system has become less rigid. Most people marry the person of their choice rather than the person they’re expected or arranged to.

But some things never change. Just as Regency-era people did, we choose the people we love. We have doubts and fears we’re making the ideal choice for our life partner. Or we worry the right one might have passed us by. We search for acceptance in the church and the world. Church is supposed to be our protection from the world's lure. Not all members experience this. I think we should strive to make church a place that truly reflects the sign located outside nearly every chapel everywhere in the world. Cherish your fellow ward members without condition.

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Do you have a ward member that has inspired you with their Christ-like love for others?

Tag me in your social media to answer the question!

*A republished version of a blog post from wsdeming.com (no longer active).